Day 17: Let's get this party started.

This blog has been approved for that money thing, but it feels like they gave me a slightly odd first task:

Your blog has been approved and we would love to start sending you postings. The first posting is for Dot Flowers. Write whatever you like, but at some point in your posting mention the term funeral flowers.

The thing about funeral flowers is that they don't really come up in a normal conversation. On top of that, the only thing there really is to say about funeral flowers would most certainly have something to do with the death of a loved one. Would you feel comfortable associating the end of someone's life with a cheap advertisement that yields five dollars? Yes? Oh. Me too. P.S. FUNERAL FLOWERS.

Day 17: REJUVINATION?

Hey, everyone. It's been a little bit since I've been here. I was out in southern Texas for a while with my family, but it seems that John has found some important developments since then. Then, when I came home I found that John had actually cheated and went out and found a real job making over a thousand bucks working for Tony Robbins and Donald Trump for the weekend. That's great for him, but here's where it leaves me:

This is HARDLY a million dollars. I filled out my taxes for $4. I can't even get that money because it's not enough money to receive. With that said, I too have been scouring the internet for "real work" which means designing websites for old people who are to out of touch with technology to realize that they could probably do it themselves for a lot cheaper. Then on Craig's List, something jumped out at me that shot me full of the spirit that initially inspired this project at three in the morning.

SIMPLE! DIFFERENT! EASY MONEY? So I decided this is a much more feasible way to make money. On a slightly related topic, John and I have the right to resell all the "software" and "insider tips" we paid $80 for, so I figure, fuck it. Keep posted to this website for some passwords and websites that we paid good money for and couldn't figure out how to make work for us. No $50,000 for us. Maybe $50,000 for you? Maybe $50,001 for us?

bad news good news borrowed news blue news...

so the bad news is that our storm pay account is still at zero ( 0 )thats what a zero looks like...thats bad news since its been a week since we have rocked our internet site...far from the 12,500 they promised a week but i still have faith...

on to the good news...the good news is that due to our amazing blog which you are reading right now we ghave gotten junk email...and in that junk email contains junk...one which contained this...


so i was like wow...10 to 50 dollars an hour and i found this on my own website blog in my comments...this is like finding money in the couch but finding it every hour...and alot of it...i did the math and ill share it with you now...todcay i got offered a job that pays 20 dollars an hour(which is pretty good) but lets stack them up side by side

job i got today...20 dollars X 40 hours(standard)=800 which is good
10-50 dollars X 40 hours = 400-2000 which is alot more...wow!!!

so obviously i clicked on that link and checked it out...and immediateley(as any website that promises that much money should) they wrote me back with this...



so i look at this and not only do i appear to have a sponser...which is another name for a boss...i have 5 poeple above me...thats 5!!!!!! bosses...that sucks...i thought i was supposed to be my own boss and that was the whole attracitve part of this work at home internet buillshit but no...i signed up not 2 seconds ago and i already have 6 people telling me what i should be doing with my time and bossing me around and making me get them cyberspace coffee...this sucks...but perhaps i was someones boss too(one can dream)...but then we see how many peopel work for me or as they say are in my "downline" and it comes up ZERO...fucking zero!!!! im sick of seeing 0 everywhere in my internet quest for financial freedom goddamnit i wanna make some money and be my own boss but apparently silver fox is a communist hate group and they can go to hell...!!...but i figured id at least check out the website and see what i need to do to make said 10 to 50 dollars an hour cuz thats like 160,000 dollars a year or something and thats way better than my 5200 i make from unemployment...well this is what i get...

what the hell is this..,.!!!!!!!!
thers nothing here...theres no directions on how to make any money or what to do or how to do anything...goddamnit!!!thats the thing with all these sites that tell you you can make 56598347393alfhgytm473409347 billion dollars a second...they make you buy their stuff and give yopu no explanatiopn on how to make any money at all...jeese i would of taken an explination on how to create time travel at this point and the 5 top watys to sell it to zimbabwa grandmothers but no...i get nothing...i get my name and a fuckin purple background and thats it...wow...ya know what thats not gonna do...make me 10 to 50 dollars an hour...it might make me want to kill 10 to 50 people a hour if i paid to get this fantastic service but luckily this was sent from the heavens into my comments on this blog for free so no one will lose their life over this...fantastic...

onto somethings borrowed...my girlfriend sent me this on the internet the other day and i think this guy is genius...he sells little pixels on thsi stupid site to people for a hundred bucks and i think he makes money and his site is stupid...i applaude him for his ability to make money on the internet and not have a substantial product...somewhat what i am trying to do...to view...click here.ALSO...the weather man said it will rain...until...further notice...FURTHER NOTICE!!!...thats not a day thats just scary...or...

thats noahs ark and ill yall better be fuckin nuts if you think your gettin on that boat before me motherfuckers!!!

and for something blue...i chose my american express blue credit card...
thats my balance...137 dollars out of 3100 dollars...thats crap...we need some magic people we need some internet business we need some 10 to 50 dollars an hour we need some 50,000 dollars a month and we ceratinly need more johnny walker black cuz damn im drunk...and poor...but mostly drunk...wee

Day Six: (no) FUN WITH POP-UPS!!!

Did you notice something when you came into this website? Probably not, because everyone in America has been smart enough to get a pop-up blocker since google gives you a free one and I'm sure at least five other people will give you a free one too. And nobody likes pop-ups. No one. With that said, today JOHN AND I MADE A POP-UP!!!!

Made with all the charm of Microsoft Paint and all of the evil intentions of just plain Microsoft. Why is it displaying on this page, you ask? Well... it turns out that all the magic pop-up tools that we've been using to promote our website were not there to do so. In fact, these tools were made to generate code so we could promote other people's websites on our website. Our website which no one is going to. I don't want to show you a picture of our storm pay account. It ain't pretty. Lots of zeroes. However, these pop-up programs did yield success in the form of Dave:

Dave who lives in the North West of England has carried out programming and database work for companies such as British Gas, NorthWest Water, Autotrader and Nottingham University Medical School. You can find out more information about dave by clicking here. It will please you to know that John and I retain the EXCLUSIVE RESALE RIGHTS to this program (Instant Pop-Up Subscriber) which contains NO information about how to put your pop-ups on other people's webpages, but does contain a lot of information about Dave. It costs $34.95. Form an orderly line around the block, nerds.

multi tasking...more like multi millionare!!!

alright things are picking up here in internet money machine world...!!!!

so you say obviously that we are making billions on the first internet thing or as you more commonly know it as the money making bohemout website we have...well your wrong...that still has credited zero dollars to my storm pay account and im not gonna even bother putting that picture up...ill do this though...

0

then picture a sad face of mine when i see that...

but hark there is a light at the end of our dark and dreary tunnel we call life...internet surveys!!!!!my girlfriend found this thing about them and i checked it out and they had like 10 internet survey people(all which costed money but had money back guarentees) so i checked the expensive one, bought it and i took like 20 of its survey database things and then just wrote them back and said please refund my money i dont want this...so i got all the info for FREE!!!! thats right im finally starting to scam the scams...i feel the nickname of "John the Scam" should be given to me now...thats sexy...


___________________________________________________
so there is one of them now...it looks promising...it promises cash and prizes and that its easy!!! and the girl on the laptop seems to be having fun...i like to have fun and look down at the bottom a picture of the eifel tower...thats far away and far away means money and that means these people deliver!!! YES!!

so i then check out some of the surveys and boy do they take a long time but i think its gonna be worth it...one actually gave me 5 dollars immediately!!!(of course i cant get the 5 until i make 100 but thats ok...ill get there




____________________________________________________
this is apparently my balance at one of the websites...the panda website( the one mentioned before)!!!
i seem to already have accumulated 139 dollars...thats great...i dont believe it but thats great...i know they gave me 5 for signing up and i got like 18 for doing an ebay survey where i just had to create an account and bid on something so i bid on a shitty guitar and lost and they pay me 18 dollars...this couldnt be easier...so i dont know how that adds up to 139 dollars but im not gonna ask questions...ill just cash checks and as soon as that column that says paid starts lookin good were in the money...

this website also had some funny things on it though that made me a little sckeptical...which i will now share



___________________________________
cherck this out...coke and pepsi will only pay 1 measly dollar for a survey where the south beach diet payts 25 dollars...thats crazy talk...coke and pepsi have so much more money than that dumb diet that my mom is on...they should be giving out like 30 dollars a survey...and whats this guy at the bottom...Geisha bingo? thats not even a word or a thing and they are paying 60 dollars!!! a survey...insane!!!i dont trust things i cant pronounce so i doubt that you can make 60 dollars from that...but anyways i made some money today that i cant spend yet so that\ seems pretty much par for the course...i think jeff made us a dollar from that add on top of this thing(another no money till you make 100 dollars thing) so we seem to be living up to our title as the dream team...or at least the team that will make 50 thousand a month...thats alot of surveys...my hands hurt already from typing..sigh

Day Five: AdSense or NONSENSE!!! Part I

Hey everyone. As you can definitely tell by my snappy title, I am really starting to learn the ropes of this whole advertising/marketing scene. I was pleased this morning when I found an e-mail in my Inbox that told me that GOOGLE would now be advertising on my website and i would be making MONEY every time somebody clicked on the ads! Naturally, I went to this website and clicked on the ads a couple of times so I could go to my account and watch how much money I just made! Immediately after, I read this startling statement in my welcoming e-mail:

Oh no! Had I immediately fucked this up? I decided I needed to take the crash course in Google's AdSense program and FAST. The general idea behind the Quick Tour of the program I took was that Google ads aren't annoying like other advertisements are because everyone would rather read words and text than looks at pictures of breats and celebrities. Then on page 5 of Google Ads 101, something struck me as more than slightly odd.

Is this some I, Robot shit? Google can apparently understand the true meaning of a webpage? Does it really just go get in there and feel it's essence and aura? Is this why Google is so successful? How the fuck do they do that? It can't just be by looking at words and what words are used together. No. As a rule, I do not trust technology that "keeps getting smarter." But, if you wanna make the big bucks, you gotta make some sacrifices. There was also one other thing that struck me as kind of odd during my training period.

What an interesting choice of words! Don't you HATE death/chaos/war ads getting in the way of your internet browsing experience? It's a good thing that the wall of google keeps this tidal wave of terror out of our lives! In Google's newer, smarter world I guess death and chaos and war just don't exist. Just a bunch of fucking hippies eating ice cream. Sounds pretty sweet to me.

coming soon... google search and tax forms!

Day Four: Hungover.

Ungh, I'm quite hungover from drinking a lot of beer yesterday. I did not hang out with john, but it's nice to see that he was drinking beer too. That means we are a dream team. Well, maybe not a DREAM team but I guess similar enough in our ways of thought to turn directly to the bottle when our internet business starts going sour after two days.


This is an email I wrote last night. PRO!

superfundailyupdatetime!!!!

today i spent more of the day drinking beer instead of working on the milliondollar dream...i figure that even super great entrepeneurs take a day off here and there from their million dollar dreams to sit back and drink beer and play online poker...

(exibit A)








as you can see that was obviously a mistake and i will never drink beer again

(exibit B)


(that says i came in first and won 500 dollars...obviously fake money)I appear to be good enough at poker and do not need anymore practice...therefore...

if beer is going to get in the way of my $50,000 a month dreams...maybe ill start drinking again after that money starts coimming in...or maybe ill just invest in beer so it becomes free to drink...regardless i see the errors of my ways...and i will sucseed!~ or maybe just start playing the online poker for real money...either way johnny big bucks will soon be my name!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

oh and a P.S. for all yall...i see alot of comments comming our way on this blog...and i dont know any of these people and they all seem to be trying to sell us something...weird...does that mean our blog site is doing more business than our money making machine...werid...if there is a way to turn these comments into commissions(note how i used 2 C words there for optimum effect...therse no way i shouldnt be making billions on the internet) let me know please!!!

Stop the presses!!!...the money presses that is

yeah so after a day of working the website thing i just realized that all of our "get rich by doing nothing at your house make zillion of dollars" ad campaign is actually not what we are selling at all...a simple viewing of the website (click on the web link on the side to view this) would tell any normal human this exact fact by reading the first 2 lines of the website...of course me and jeff didnt do that so the first day of advertising has been wasted.

oh well...now armed with the knowledge of what we are actually selling which is advertisment tools to boost traffic to your website so people buy your shit more we can go forward with the million dollars we are going to make. noiw i have to go make a new banner...lame but not so lame cuz that was fun...i hope i can fit the snowman guy into this one again

Day Two: Holy Crap! Part Zero: The Future of Holy Crap!

It was kinda sad to come home tonight and see that our StormPay account was still at a whopping ZERO dollars. Two days of what started to feel like actual work has still cost us both thirty-five dollars. Then, it hit me! It was right there all along:

How do people like Donald Trump stay successful? They own airports, car companies, television networks, universities and medical research labs! Why limit ourselves to only one simple way to make money, when we could easily be making money in TWO simple ways! I go to bed tonight with a brighter view of the future: maybe, no, definitely one with $50,000 a month.

Day Two: Rex Banner, I've Slashed Your Tires.

Today we opened up some of those FUN $2,000 WORTH OF PROGRAMS that we were graciously given by Automatic Pay Day. If I sound less that thrilled, it is because our stormpay account is still at zero dollars. I could post a picture, but you know what zero dollars looks like. We are playing a game of trust together people.

Most of these programs were "E-Books." I always thought that E-Books were books that you can read online. APPARENTLY, an E-Book is just like a regular website and you can in fact access it from a normal web browser. When you open it in E-Book world, however, that means you cannot copy anything, go back, or look at more than one thing at once. To have these options removed from your life apparently costs $2,000.

This was some boring ass shit. I am convinced that these get rich quick schemes are set up to immediately deter you from actually trying to make any money. There were many moments today when I got up after about five minutes and thought about watching TV. Yeah. It's not exciting. For example, try reading our NEW Banner Explode Page. A little repetitious? Just a tad vague? That seems to be the general theme of this venture, doublespeak and confusion. I feel we have an advantage though. Without any job opportunities, John and I have no choice but to wade through this sea of delusion to try and make our dent! We WILL MAKE $50,000 A MONTH.

well after a slightly sleepless night due to way too much caffiene and the impending fear of doom as the result of my credit card debt i decided to hit the website thingy hard this morning...this proved to be futile since i dont understand any of this shit and sending out the ads seemed to be the extent of my technological ability. however i was able to create a banner, which is located up top but was unable to put it anywhere, it made me laugh though. i also found many other sites that dont help or just confuse( there seems to be alot of that). jeese this is sorta starting to feel like work...this is certainly not quick and easy. um so we found more banner ad places...the one we decided on proclamed to be "VIAGRA FOR YOUR WEBSITE" (i put in the arrows and circled it)

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!well...that cant be bad...it certainly was confusing...good thing jeff was here cuz all this shit gives me a headache. well after about a half hour of yelling at the computer and the computer making many noises of pain we were able to post up what the banner ad viagra extravigansa was asking us to do and now there is a second section to our money making machine website...horray! my girlfriend does this for a living like the real internet advertising stuff...for a real company...with dental...like real...she called me an idiot...yeah...an idiot whos laughing all the way to the bank!...(storm pay account to date...zero dollars... :( )tomorrow i think im gonna find more stuff to put the banner on and hopefully find a way to make some wicked annoying pop up ads...well thats the goal at least...that and scotch...ahh...i love alcohol...heart

Day Two: John Makes a Banner.

Day One: In Pictures

Here are some screen shots from yesterday's business session!






We were on our way! All we had to do was write a catchy advertisement. I don't think I need to tell you that it was easy as pie!


See! This message screams success. It seemed a little too easy, so we decided to read through some of the "helpful" training material that they had provided for us.


This was what we were waiting for. How to make SUBSTANTIAL INCOME on the internet! Substantial is WAY better that nominal or negligible! This is the adjective for us. And judging by the "New Page 3" title on this webpage, these guys are SO busy making money, they don't have time for proper html markups... they have ads to sell! Or NOT sell! Sit at home, do nothing! Moving on...


This seems like a PRETTY GOOD worst case scenario. You could buy about 500 packs of cigarettes for that. Or about 2500 packs of illegal cigarettes from a third world country.





After our thorough Internet Income Training course we learned how to punch up our spam emails. We also learned that we forgot to do one important thing... TELL PEOPLE WHAT WEBSITE TO GO TO! I don't think I need to tell YOU how much we learned... these ads speak for themselves!


We clicked on about 15 of these mass e-mail links. This is my favorite. The E-Mail Blaster. Or the ad blaster. Something like that.


This was gonna be tough. This is one of two pages of e-mail blasters they suggested we use. It's so many! We couldn't be that clever, so we figured we'd call it a day and check our progress...


...and we made zero dollars. Far from the $1,000 that they promised we could make immediately. We are not discouraged though. We will continue to plow forth. All zero dollars means is that our POTENTIAL IS INFINITE!!!

The Bling Starts Here.

this blog has been created to document a special happening in mine(john ( i dont spell good) ) and jeffs life. we have just recently become unemployed and after about 2 weeks of having no money we have decided to take the obvious plundge and buy a get rich quick scheme off the internet. the 3rd one we found actually so you know its good. so this blog will document the happenings of what occurs from us getting rich quick or slow or not at all...so here we go

day 1:
We started off this adventure by typing "get rich quick" into google. How much easier can this get? According to the various search results, NOT MUCH EASIER!!! We first watched this WICKED PRESENTATION! With flying dollars signs, amazing flash text animation and SO MUCH GREEN, you know it's GOTTA be good. As we delved further into the proverbial womb of our eventual investment, we came across what actually we would be doing. Receiving a phone call. At either 3pm or 9pm. Not only weekends though. There's only time for ONE phone call on weekends. CLICK HERE if you wanna listen to the phone call. I wouldn't click there.

The second farce we decided to take on was making $200 - $1000 a day! According to EBay, we could buy like 150 different vans! That's a lot of gas, boys. We ended up not going with Personal Instant Cash because despite the allure of having $200 - $1000 safely deposited into your ATM account (somehow. legally.), we felt that $90 was TOO MUCH of an initial investment. We needed something that was more like $80.

so three is a charm as a saying and for us...fantastic. so we came across this site and decided that 70 dollars was exactly what we needed to spend at that exact moment to start our future internet buisness. (toldya i cant spell) so we read the exciting site (which explains nothing of how the product works...i was hoping for maybe 1 thing...but no) well i guesss that makes it more exciting so we bought the program thing which took us to another site which explained that we would be putting up the site we just saw all over the internet and somehow be making money with it...whatever i just spent 70 dollars ill believe it. so it tells us how to make our site and to get a stormpay account and how to change things around on the site in the HTML which we did...we made ours 4 dollars cheaper...and we made a dumb note on the bottom that illustrates that...then we hosted the exciting website on the ASOB server thingy...none of this i understood...and then we started the promotion! this took a try or so to figure out but all it is was qclicking on the link the first place gave us and then typing in something dumb about making money like...make money mnow asshole!!! and then putting in the website link which we forgot to do the frist time...oh well. so we did that like 10 times which i believe went to somewhere like 300 thousand!!!! sites!!!! wow!!!!! so apparently we just promoeted to almost half a million sites in like 5 minutes...oh by the way total money check to date...zero...yeah continuing on...um then we made this blog...not really helping with the get rich quick.

TOMORROW WE EXPLORE... ADBLASTER! TRAFFICBOOST!! SUBMIT O MATIC!!! TRAFFIC MANIAC!!!!!!! AND MUCH MORE. LIKE 15 MORE.